Strange Curses
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Smartie Ass
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade." Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut.
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubble gum.
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands.
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent.
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring.
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose.
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow.
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
PS: Shit, this kid is smarter than i am. haha...well..how did you fare...out of 11?
i only got 3/11...wah hahahaha..
The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the third-grade." Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment "Legs."
Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Harry: "Pockets."
Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Harry: Coconut.
Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Harry: Bubble gum.
Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: Shake hands.
Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Harry: Yep.
Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Harry: Tent.
Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Harry: Wedding Ring.
Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Harry: Nose.
Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Harry: Arrow.
Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: Firetruck.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
PS: Shit, this kid is smarter than i am. haha...well..how did you fare...out of 11?
i only got 3/11...wah hahahaha..
Monday, July 18, 2005
My wallet
Someone said... "Wallets are a lot like girls. You really have to take good care of, because if you won't, something might happen"... I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, and I just lost a girl. You know, it's the exact same thing.
One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it. You think, and you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization: it's really gone.
Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky (blessed?) people who get it back. Perhaps you could become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.
The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences.
They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before.
You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost.
No, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.
You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in.
You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there. Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet.
And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it.
That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet.
And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.
As for me, I never actually lost a wallet since i haben even have one...but i just felt that i lost one. however...i have already gotten over my "lost" wallet...its time for me to move on... and get a new, better wallet. its gonna take a long time to find one that suits me.
One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it. You think, and you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization: it's really gone.
Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky (blessed?) people who get it back. Perhaps you could become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.
The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences.
They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before.
You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost.
No, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.
You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in.
You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there. Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet.
And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it.
That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet.
And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.
As for me, I never actually lost a wallet since i haben even have one...but i just felt that i lost one. however...i have already gotten over my "lost" wallet...its time for me to move on... and get a new, better wallet. its gonna take a long time to find one that suits me.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Counting Down Starts
I am in the mood for abit of Maths today.
As of last sunday, exactly 7 days ago, i have served 1 year and 1 month of my ns. that day is the median of my ns life. haha...and counting down starts now...
396 days
.
.
.
393 days
.
.
.
.
389 days
as of today...i have 389 more absolute days....to being a free man.
Minus Singapore has 11 Public Holidays (now then i realise that we have so fucking little public holidays)
Minus Sats and Suns, which totals 108 days (54 weeks x 2) coz i am on 5 day working week
Minus my Leave entitlement which is at 30 Days including next year's leave
I am left with 240 working days more to go. WOO HOO...
Today i am also clearing the 1st of my 7 extra weekend duties...haha....been doing nothing from morning till now.
Ciaoz
As of last sunday, exactly 7 days ago, i have served 1 year and 1 month of my ns. that day is the median of my ns life. haha...and counting down starts now...
396 days
.
.
.
393 days
.
.
.
.
389 days
as of today...i have 389 more absolute days....to being a free man.
Minus Singapore has 11 Public Holidays (now then i realise that we have so fucking little public holidays)
Minus Sats and Suns, which totals 108 days (54 weeks x 2) coz i am on 5 day working week
Minus my Leave entitlement which is at 30 Days including next year's leave
I am left with 240 working days more to go. WOO HOO...
Today i am also clearing the 1st of my 7 extra weekend duties...haha....been doing nothing from morning till now.
Ciaoz
Friday, July 08, 2005
Sentosa - here i come again
if i was asked to describe this sentosa gathering, i would use these words.
Impromtu, spontenous, full of shit, fun and laughter, and disappointing.
Impromtu
it was an impromtu gathering...it was kinda last min and was organised like on monday nite and wed morning we were in sentosa. haha.
super nice view...
we also had an impromtu visit to the tourism academy...how i envy my juniors...
the tourism academy as actaully for tp students studying hospitality and tourism management. super cool facilities juz for this course.
main entrance
our ex lecturer aka our host, taking us round to see the facilities. this was taken in a super comfortable, state of the art lecture "hall".
tutorial room...so nice
their lab...
resource center....everything link to HTM is here.
Spontenous
My friends, needless to say...will claim credit for being so spontenous...thanks guys and babes...
carol and roger
tang
bernard
and yours truly...hey i am spontanoues too k!!
Full of shit
well....it has both meanings to it...literal...and non-literal
this is a look-alike-hershey kisses piece of peacock shit which non of us luckily never step upon.
knowing us, the non-literal meaning of coz is, that we are full of shit. just see what we did at the beach and u will noe.
shit 1 - posers
shit 2 - kiam pa
shit 3 - setting a world record for longest handstand...too bad it lasted no more than 3 secs.
shit 4.1 - snagging a contract for iron ladies 3...
shit 4.2 - ironically, iron ladies 3 only feature 3 "ladies"
shit 5.1 - gutless roger for not standing up straight..haha
shit 5.2 - full of guts bernard standing too straight.
shit 6.1 - we tried to take a pic of us jumping...carol's the camerawoman...
shit 6.2 - almost...except for some slow ass
shit 6.3 - i dunno wat we are trying to do...but it looks damn odd.
shit 6.4 - ready to jump
shit 6.5 - take off..
shit 6.6 - pose....QUICK
shit 6.7 - SUCCESS
fun and laughter
wah hahahaa....
see the pics we take and we will laugh out loud.
disappointing..
got someone last min fly kite, became a pilot and flew and aeroplane on us.
i wanted to be more tanned...but i only got sunburned....and slightly tanned
but overall....it was wonderful...
Impromtu, spontenous, full of shit, fun and laughter, and disappointing.
Impromtu
it was an impromtu gathering...it was kinda last min and was organised like on monday nite and wed morning we were in sentosa. haha.
super nice view...
we also had an impromtu visit to the tourism academy...how i envy my juniors...
the tourism academy as actaully for tp students studying hospitality and tourism management. super cool facilities juz for this course.
main entrance
our ex lecturer aka our host, taking us round to see the facilities. this was taken in a super comfortable, state of the art lecture "hall".
tutorial room...so nice
their lab...
resource center....everything link to HTM is here.
Spontenous
My friends, needless to say...will claim credit for being so spontenous...thanks guys and babes...
carol and roger
tang
bernard
and yours truly...hey i am spontanoues too k!!
Full of shit
well....it has both meanings to it...literal...and non-literal
this is a look-alike-hershey kisses piece of peacock shit which non of us luckily never step upon.
knowing us, the non-literal meaning of coz is, that we are full of shit. just see what we did at the beach and u will noe.
shit 1 - posers
shit 2 - kiam pa
shit 3 - setting a world record for longest handstand...too bad it lasted no more than 3 secs.
shit 4.1 - snagging a contract for iron ladies 3...
shit 4.2 - ironically, iron ladies 3 only feature 3 "ladies"
shit 5.1 - gutless roger for not standing up straight..haha
shit 5.2 - full of guts bernard standing too straight.
shit 6.1 - we tried to take a pic of us jumping...carol's the camerawoman...
shit 6.2 - almost...except for some slow ass
shit 6.3 - i dunno wat we are trying to do...but it looks damn odd.
shit 6.4 - ready to jump
shit 6.5 - take off..
shit 6.6 - pose....QUICK
shit 6.7 - SUCCESS
fun and laughter
wah hahahaa....
see the pics we take and we will laugh out loud.
disappointing..
got someone last min fly kite, became a pilot and flew and aeroplane on us.
i wanted to be more tanned...but i only got sunburned....and slightly tanned
but overall....it was wonderful...
Sunday - No more tarzan
Back from the wild on sunday and still had time to take a short nap, and went to look for fellow promoters in orchard area.
outfield went well, surprisingly. not many mosquitoes attacked me, never even got wet from rain...and best, never see ghost. i was hoping to feel something but i didn't. nothing much for me to do during outfield except to eat, tok cock, and find wild fruits to eat.
rambutans and durians were aplenty there. they taste quite the same as those u get in the market but the idea that you plucked them yourself makes it taste better.. haha...
so off i went to town for dinner. partly was that she was working there too...so thought might as well go see her.
reach orchard in about 45 mins...
she was working in hello orchard...i entered the shop but did not approach her directly. i dun wanna give her the impression that i m there looking for her. i chatted with my other friends first before i walk up to her.
chatted with her for like 20mins even though she was working. haha... at least i noe that she doesn't dislike me. that makes me feel better.
we had dinner with other promoters...about 5 of them... but we felt distant with other promoters aroud... like we dun want them to know about our affairs...not that we had one...we juz dun like gossips. Promoters gossip alot...and i mean ALOT.
after dinner, went back to the shop and then i stayed around a little more before i wanted to go home. then i saw a familiar face... a guy... he was "tarzan". (no pun intended)
he approached her directly... and they were happy and loving... thats all i know. thats the hint i am looking for. i told her before, as long as you are happy, i will be. i didn't feel envious, i didn't feel a thing....guess maybe i feel numb. but thats all.
so... i think i will not bother her anymore after i know that she's happy... i dun want to interrupt, to interfere. they look a perfect match...more than if i will be with her. but deep down inside me, i will still support her.
outfield went well, surprisingly. not many mosquitoes attacked me, never even got wet from rain...and best, never see ghost. i was hoping to feel something but i didn't. nothing much for me to do during outfield except to eat, tok cock, and find wild fruits to eat.
rambutans and durians were aplenty there. they taste quite the same as those u get in the market but the idea that you plucked them yourself makes it taste better.. haha...
so off i went to town for dinner. partly was that she was working there too...so thought might as well go see her.
reach orchard in about 45 mins...
she was working in hello orchard...i entered the shop but did not approach her directly. i dun wanna give her the impression that i m there looking for her. i chatted with my other friends first before i walk up to her.
chatted with her for like 20mins even though she was working. haha... at least i noe that she doesn't dislike me. that makes me feel better.
we had dinner with other promoters...about 5 of them... but we felt distant with other promoters aroud... like we dun want them to know about our affairs...not that we had one...we juz dun like gossips. Promoters gossip alot...and i mean ALOT.
after dinner, went back to the shop and then i stayed around a little more before i wanted to go home. then i saw a familiar face... a guy... he was "tarzan". (no pun intended)
he approached her directly... and they were happy and loving... thats all i know. thats the hint i am looking for. i told her before, as long as you are happy, i will be. i didn't feel envious, i didn't feel a thing....guess maybe i feel numb. but thats all.
so... i think i will not bother her anymore after i know that she's happy... i dun want to interrupt, to interfere. they look a perfect match...more than if i will be with her. but deep down inside me, i will still support her.
