Strange Curses
Monday, August 01, 2005
Little secret and big dilemma
Today is my 2nd extra cleared...5 more to go only...
In less than one month, it is going to be my birthday. my 22nd birthday. but i have no idea how i am going to celebrate it. 75% i will not be celebrating juz like my birthdays since primary school. i never really celebrated my bday, never really receive presents, not even from my parents.
i remembered when i was an adolescent, i had a big bday celebration...i think is when i was 3 or 4 yrs old. that's the only memory i have of my adolescent life. i have this big cream cake that was in the shape of a number. (very popular in the late 80s and early 90s. and my dad and mum, relatives were all there for my special occasion. but thats all i can remember..my grandest bday celebration.
but my bday is on the 22 august. a time when the hungry ghost festival is on going. this is also a time when my parents are very bz....attending dinners at void decks and open fields..sometimes bringing me along. my dad is also in the main committee of some of these dinner so he is really busy during the chinese 7th month.
every year, i was hoping that my parents will like celebrate my bday with me. and of coz looking forward to receiving my present. every year will be the same... presents also almost the same. it will always be a big lego set coz i love lego when i was young. i still have them now.
it has been this way until my 9th bday. i bugged my dad to celebrate it for me but in the end, i was scolded and left at the void deck while my dad goes on with his 7th month activities. i was hurt by his words, sat alone at the void deck and tears rolled down my eyes. that year, i did not celebrate my bday, nor did i remember receiving any presents.
since then, i always attended other's bday celebration, and never really had my own celebration party. primary school days...i go to bday boys and girls house for buffet. secondary school is chalet and east coast/pasir ris park bbq pits. quite standard...and during these celebrations, there is bound to be people getting saboed...and usually, its the bday boy or girl. but when i am around, i am the first. flour, egg, water bombs, anything that can be thrown or things that can be taken off me like pants, shirt, underwear....will be targeted at me. well...it kinda makes me feel like a birthday boy...thats why i have never flared up or lose my temper before...i also dun wanna ruin a happy ocassion for another friend. however, when i reach poly, things are a little different. we are grown ups and we never sabo each other anymore...but i still never really celebrate my bday with all of my close friends...
until this year, i intended to hold some sort of a celebration with my close friends and maybe some not so close friends. i thot that...."wow, finally, i can have my very very own birthday party with my friends." more than 10 bloody years, kept in me my little secret which i have not shared...would be fulfilled.
but i guess, in life, some things are juz not meant to be. my poly close friends are going to tioman during my bday week and they insisted that i join them. i would be more than happy coz i sua ku...nv go tioman before. but go tioman need money. and to have a party will also need money..
tioman cannot postpone to later date...
bday cannot celebrate too late or too early...
so wat to do?
please myself and disappoint my friends
or
join my friends and shelf my childhood wish?
Tioman trip -$350
Bday party - $280
buying present for myself - up to $80
not disappointing my poly friends - priceless
but all is not lost...there is still some hope...
everything have to depend on my dad. planning to get him to cook his specialty prawn noodles. haha...my dad is a chef by the way and his prawn noodles are the best that i have eaten. recipe is passed down from my grandpa. that's really cool dun you think so?
then i get him to cook and ask my close friends over to my place for some xboxing, mahjonging, dvding, and of coz eating and drinking....
haizz...waiting for him to come back from shanghai... if he says no...then forget it...i m nv going to celebrate my bday anymore. juz treat that i have no bday. i dropped from the sky since birth...wait, i got no birth, since baby...and treat it this way.
In less than one month, it is going to be my birthday. my 22nd birthday. but i have no idea how i am going to celebrate it. 75% i will not be celebrating juz like my birthdays since primary school. i never really celebrated my bday, never really receive presents, not even from my parents.
i remembered when i was an adolescent, i had a big bday celebration...i think is when i was 3 or 4 yrs old. that's the only memory i have of my adolescent life. i have this big cream cake that was in the shape of a number. (very popular in the late 80s and early 90s. and my dad and mum, relatives were all there for my special occasion. but thats all i can remember..my grandest bday celebration.
but my bday is on the 22 august. a time when the hungry ghost festival is on going. this is also a time when my parents are very bz....attending dinners at void decks and open fields..sometimes bringing me along. my dad is also in the main committee of some of these dinner so he is really busy during the chinese 7th month.
every year, i was hoping that my parents will like celebrate my bday with me. and of coz looking forward to receiving my present. every year will be the same... presents also almost the same. it will always be a big lego set coz i love lego when i was young. i still have them now.
it has been this way until my 9th bday. i bugged my dad to celebrate it for me but in the end, i was scolded and left at the void deck while my dad goes on with his 7th month activities. i was hurt by his words, sat alone at the void deck and tears rolled down my eyes. that year, i did not celebrate my bday, nor did i remember receiving any presents.
since then, i always attended other's bday celebration, and never really had my own celebration party. primary school days...i go to bday boys and girls house for buffet. secondary school is chalet and east coast/pasir ris park bbq pits. quite standard...and during these celebrations, there is bound to be people getting saboed...and usually, its the bday boy or girl. but when i am around, i am the first. flour, egg, water bombs, anything that can be thrown or things that can be taken off me like pants, shirt, underwear....will be targeted at me. well...it kinda makes me feel like a birthday boy...thats why i have never flared up or lose my temper before...i also dun wanna ruin a happy ocassion for another friend. however, when i reach poly, things are a little different. we are grown ups and we never sabo each other anymore...but i still never really celebrate my bday with all of my close friends...
until this year, i intended to hold some sort of a celebration with my close friends and maybe some not so close friends. i thot that...."wow, finally, i can have my very very own birthday party with my friends." more than 10 bloody years, kept in me my little secret which i have not shared...would be fulfilled.
but i guess, in life, some things are juz not meant to be. my poly close friends are going to tioman during my bday week and they insisted that i join them. i would be more than happy coz i sua ku...nv go tioman before. but go tioman need money. and to have a party will also need money..
tioman cannot postpone to later date...
bday cannot celebrate too late or too early...
so wat to do?
please myself and disappoint my friends
or
join my friends and shelf my childhood wish?
Tioman trip -$350
Bday party - $280
buying present for myself - up to $80
not disappointing my poly friends - priceless
but all is not lost...there is still some hope...
everything have to depend on my dad. planning to get him to cook his specialty prawn noodles. haha...my dad is a chef by the way and his prawn noodles are the best that i have eaten. recipe is passed down from my grandpa. that's really cool dun you think so?
then i get him to cook and ask my close friends over to my place for some xboxing, mahjonging, dvding, and of coz eating and drinking....
haizz...waiting for him to come back from shanghai... if he says no...then forget it...i m nv going to celebrate my bday anymore. juz treat that i have no bday. i dropped from the sky since birth...wait, i got no birth, since baby...and treat it this way.
:: posted by strangesentiments, 12:09 AM
1 Comments:
A heartfelt entry..
Oddly enough, I had a surge of emotions while reading your entry.
In a way, I am similar to you till i reach sec 2 that friends actually do celebrate with me.
anyway, i always somehow felt that you will feel that way in the past. just never really asked you why.
don't worry, im sure things will work their way through =]
don't think so much ok?
Oddly enough, I had a surge of emotions while reading your entry.
In a way, I am similar to you till i reach sec 2 that friends actually do celebrate with me.
anyway, i always somehow felt that you will feel that way in the past. just never really asked you why.
don't worry, im sure things will work their way through =]
don't think so much ok?
